In Response to Fark Users

Let me first say that I love Fark.com I read it pretty much every day. It has always been a goal of mine to be Farked, especially since I didn't submit my site myself, and was just informed by friends that my site was on Fark. (It took them less than 1 hour from it being the first link on the front page to call me). In fact I am really honored in a weird way to have made it onto Fark. I lurked there for a long time, before submitting my first link which was for a photoshop contest. Amazingly, the first thing I submitted was accepted and I held a short lived false belief that it was easy to get articles onto Fark. (Note all other users comments in BOLD

Since then I have continued to read Fark and occasionally submit to Fark, but for the first time being Farked it was interesting and I have decided to respond to many of the Fark users in their amazing amounts of comments about me and my energy drink site.

First off this is possibly the funniest thing that has ever been written about me.

“Jesus. Reading that review was like listening to a sleepy retard recite Shakespeare.
(I went to public school, so I got to see that occasionally) ” -Wulfhardt

I think it might beat the long standing funniest thing, which was that I was voted most likely to lose my virginity in a petting zoo during high school. Seriously I almost nut myself laughing at that one. This was also at the top of my list for laughs.

“Crappy websites make baby Jeebus cry....”-Walt_Jizzney

This one also was damn funny, while also being right on target and leading into our whole discussion here.

“Dear Earth,
Please study the differences between
They're
Their
There
P.S.,
Could've =/= Could of
Could've === Could have”-daniel-x

I flat out have to admit, I just don't really notice the differences when writing. I barely know it when I have to stop and think about it. When writing I need the word “there” so I type it and it seems that pretty much at random that I type a different “there” every time, except I never use They're, which you can learn about after this great comment.

“Apparently this guy's apostrophe key is broken.” -Who_In_The_What_Now

I am sure I am going to be making some grammar Nazis cry here, but I don't really believe in the apostrophe. Seriously what is the point of making a contraction to reduce the number of letters you have to write, only to replace them with an entirely new character. I mean I never saw a point for them except when implying ownership. If you write “dont” it is obvious what it means. It does seem to make a lot more sense to use it when implying ownership so I use it there and figure that the rest of the time it should be obvious to the reader and I shouldn't be forces to waste a key just to conform when everyone clearly understands either way. So yeah sorry I don't believe in apostrophes, but it was actually the first time I had heard this complaint, I get ones about spelling and grammar frequently.

“I love his Engrish....And I really loved this statement 'Can is in spanish I could miss things like ingredients.' Yeah dude, you were drinking left over tequila worms.” -silverone75

I really love that I finally have a name to call my style of writing, Engrish seems to suite me perfectly. Just so you all really get the atrocities I have done to the Enlish language I was one of those kids that wrote in half cursive half print. This also gives me a good opportunity to point out that many of the reviews were written while drunk or hung over, I mean come on part of the site is writing about how well these drinks mix with alcohol.

“Clearly the author has been drinking these energy drinks for days now and hasn't slept in a week. The typos are annoying as hell.” -h3lx

Lets be very clear here, these aren't typos, if you read the site it is quite evident that I have the spelling and grammar skills of a tortured 5 grader who has been deprived of food for over a week.

“but his engrish kinda makes it scary too. i seriously worry about people who consume these in large quantity” -the_unperson

Thanks for your concern, but worry not I tend to only drink one can every couple days. I don't think you should really drink them often. I frequently tell people they shouldn't have more than two cans in a day, and not more than one while drinking alcohol. Both energy drinks and alcohol dehydrated you, which is why most of the times when someone has a problem with energy drinks, alcohol was involved as well. Although I did finally confirm that it did cause seizures for one kid, but he was predisposed to seizures so the real cause was lack of sleep. Still, I don't think really young kids should be drinking these to often, but I think it is up to parents to regulate that.

“While I agree that the author's writing is terrible, you all should check out some of the comments. Wow... just wow. Does anyone speak English any more? Does anybody on the internet have half a brain? Are logic and reason dead?” -slumcat05

I seriously have been amazed by some of the statements on my site. I actually had to remove all comments and block them off from the Vamp post, because some company that really hated the owner of Vamp energy drink kept making death threats to him on my message board. I hadn't noticed, but the owner contacted me and we worked out a solution and deleted the offending comments. I have had to delete many comments that come from people trying to sell energy drinks through my site. Finally I have just gotten many crazy 15 year olds that make comments like, “MoNstEr RoXORs th3 beStest, It mAkers mE jAck oFfs a lot.” Some of these have been to gross so I have to delete them as well. All told I have probably deleted over 500 comments that are far worse than the ones I left for you to see.

“For some reason, his lack of writing acumen make the energy drink reviews more credible. Obligatory hipocritical guy criticizing guy with typos typo.”-SlothB77

I like you SlothB77, lets hang out and make some waffle pizza. We can chow down on that while drinking booze and reviewing energy drinks. Which we will review while drunk.

“Man, just do some freaking speed already.” -EmmaGoldman

I actually had a company that wanted to ship me and energy drink for me to review and I had to explain to them it would be illegal for them to ship me an energy drink containing cocaine in it to me. So I am sure there are people out there doing speed as well as energy drinks.

“Would it be too much to ask them to alphabetize their reviews?” -Ny-QuilDriver

This and sort the reviews by highest rating are the most requested features on the site. Unfortunately the Content Management System (CMS) i use is pretty old and doesn't support doing either of these. I have been to lazy to move to a new CMS and have to try to import all my old entires and make a new CSS which i need to do anyways. That is why I have the search at the top that should be even easier to use when looking for a specific drink than being in alphabetical order. I love google and gmail, search don't sort.

“It's funny reading the XS reviews and seeing all of the Quixtar IBOs flipping out. They're such zombies. I went to one of those meetings and I just wanted to scream the entire time. Of course they practically force one of those energy drinks on you to get you pumped up.” -BobTheGoon

I really almost had to ban all of the annoying IBO people Quixtar and another company were by far the worst at spamming my site and pissing the crap out of me. I had to delete tons of their comments especially one guy that went into every single other review and bashed the drink while saying how great XS was and linking to various different XS sales site. He had every post under different names, but was dumb enough to post everything from the same IP, which made it easy to destroy all his posts. What a freaking turd. These people always try to email me about how some other drink will cause cancer or some load of shiat.

“In addition to needing to run a spell check, apparently this guy can't check his links either. For Jones energy drink, this tool links to: www.jonesenergy.com had he checked the link he would find it leads not to Jones Soda company but to Jones Energy Ltd., a natural gas company.” -Mendokusai

That is really funny. I hadn't noticed that, but common over 150 links to these companies and I mess up one, cut me some slack. I have a real job hobbies are supposed to be fun and relaxing, not double check this and that. Hilarious though, it has been fixed thanks for letting me know.

“I'd read it but I can't get past the horrendously idiotic typing.” -EggbertShootsFire

“wow this guy can't write i mean why would someone have a page like that it's impossible to read what is he thinking.”-tricky

“geez, I use to think all drugs should be unregulated but my god! What is this kid on to be able to fart out english like that?”-Raedon

“He's an idiot, then, if he doesn't give a shiat about looking like a huge 'tard. What school did he graduate from if he can't even grasp basic English?”-CraicBaby

How to explain all the bad spelling and grammar. Part of this is because I just don't care, I am lazy, I never thought people would read this, and it takes far more time to write correctly for me. I just try to convey my basic thought and concept and I think that usually comes across regardless of spelling and grammar, so I don't bother with it, I figure my quick opinion is really all you need or all you want. Your not my masterful use of the English language, what do you think this stuff is poetry. This site isn't an argument over syntax and semantics. So yeah I suck at spelling, I am good at math, art, programming, spacial awareness, and many other things. Your right just cause it annoys some people I should spend all my time struggling on my weak points instead of working with my strength and exploring new programming languages and doing art. People like you obviously don't get that some people learn and think different than each other. You can have talent at one thing and not at another. That doesn't mean it is impossible to understand what I am thinking or communicating. It doesn't mean I am an Idiot, uneducated, or anything else. There are many smart people who didn't like (Hollerith, Herman, his company later became IBM) and weren't good at spelling because it was harder for them because they learned differently.

All of these famous and brilliant thinkers were bad spellers, Think of the world today if there thoughts and ideas were constantly ignored and overlook. Overlooked, so they could be belittled and people could point out their spelling errors, while ignoring the bigger point. The fact of the matter is thoughts and ideas are important spelling and grammar aren't. They are only matter to convey your thought to someone else, sometimes they can help but in general they have little matter. Famous people brilliant bad spellers.

Winston Churchill, Richard Branson, John Lennon, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Picasso, Jackie Stewart, Leonardo Da Vinci, Michael Faraday, Henry Ford, Ted Turner, Walt Disney, Harrison Ford, John F. Kennedy

I too have Dyslexia, what a surprise.

“looks like the typo nazis are out in farce today”-Revek

“Try again.
Typo=honest mistake
Repeatedly confusing you're and your or there, they're and their=uneducated stupidity”-Cupajo

Thanks for trying to help Revek, but Cupajo is right that these aren't typos, but he is damned wrong in considering weak spelling over quick for fun articles equal with uneducated stupidity. I see that Cupajo will make a smart and understanding father. Hehe Ok there was my big rant and the primary motivation behind me writing this article. Lets get back to some good old fun.

“He says, "Yeah it is officially a strange time in the world when there is energy gum with caffeine and taurine." I declare his whole website officially strange.
That's all.”-Crabbywan

Crabbywan you sound cool to, you may also join me in my new country that only celebrates holidays relating to booze, naked women, waffles, and of course black history month. Most of the stuff I do is strange for the world is more exciting that way, now lets dance to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!

“They all taste like crap. There, I saved you the time of reading 150 reviews.” -Donald_McRonald

I am confused to why you came to look at reviews if you thought they all sucked. You and about 10 other people apparently hate all energy drinks blindly assuming they all taste the same they don't. Many energy drinks do, but some are strawberry some are like orange juice there is something out there for everyone that would ever want caffeine and not like the taste of coffee.

“You guys try typing with your heart running at 460 bpm.”-notmyrealemail

hehe true man. I used to drink way to many energy drinks and that was when I was only drinking like one a day. I don't even drink that much anymore, but I am a person that is highly effected by caffeine, so even one can keeps me up way long and makes my heart race. I try to never drink one after 7 o clock.

“Black background + white font = unreadable.”-Scott114

I will be the first to admit the site is very ugly. I knew it was ugly when I first made it, but i just didn't want it to look like everyone other blog out there at the time. I also figured only some close friends would really notice it, and at the time (2002) I knew nothing about CSS, so I just went with it. It started getting big and lots of traffic, I threw ads on it and who knew it kept growing, so much that i get all my drinks sent to me to sample. Then all these big sites keep linking me, next thing I knew it was years later, my ugly but profitable step child and it was being linked on Fark. There are plenty of ugly websites on the net and even theories as to why ugly sites do well. I actually kind of believe some of those thoughts must be true, because I run many other websites and this is by far my most popular one. I have really thought about redoing the whole look of the site, if there is a CSS guru out there who would like to help me just let me know.

“I'll stick to coffee, thank you”-Boston Pancake

“my energy drink is COFFEE............ tastes great, less filling”-cc75948

“What fools drink this crap? These drinks are all caffine and over priced. Drink coffee or soda. Same energy lower price.” -DogLee

Actually here is where your just wrong. If you think good coffee is cheap in stores you must be confused. Now if you prefer the taste of coffee that is fine, but if you want caffeine that is cheap, a good cup of coffee is a couple bucks while your out. Many decent energy drinks contain 80mg -100mg of caffeine and can be gotten at almost any gas station for 99 cents. That is why I started this whole thing, because some of the 99 cent drinks sucked and others were as good or better than Redbull. Also, for the less filling some of the energy drinks only have 5 – 25 calories in them. Yes I know you can make coffee at home but surprise surprise some crazy people make energy drinks at home a couple companies even sell kits to do this.

“I would say these energy drinks are rotting this guys brain.”-chazz mctazz

It is more likely that it was Vodka that rotted my brain away. I should have probably started reviewing those as well, but when i started this site I wasn't even 21 yet. I used to know all the best cheap Vodkas, but now I can afford the good stuff so oh well.

“DUDE! Seriously! Check out Dictionary.com, click on thesaurus and look up some synonyms for DRINK!
'This drink is the best drink of the drinks that the drink companies make in this drink categorie that people like to drink blah blah blah...'”-BrothaJohn

Yeah there are other words, but there is also reason to write towards your target keywords. No one searches energy beverage. It is energy drink, that is the primary keyword that drives people to my site when searching. Now perhaps since I am already on top of pretty much all the search engines I could branch out a bit. You should also write towards your readers, many news papers use smaller and simpler words in their articles to ensure they can be easily read by their audience. I would have hoped especially since I write about alcohol that my site had an older audience, but it is teenagers, and surprisingly their parents that read my site. Anyways, I will take this under consideration.

“Haven't read the thing but do they distinguish between 'energy' and 'hyper'?
I find most of those just make me hyper.” -RockIsDead

Yeah I talk about that in many of my reviews. Normally I say something about it making me all jittery or unable to focus, instead of saying hyper. Many of the drinks with far to much sugar cause this, and the massive sugar crash that occurs later. I actually prefer the low carb/cal or no sugar versions of many drinks over the original for this reason. Also, it seems guarana which is a natural caffeine releases slower in the body or is absorbed slower, so i find that it gives a slower awareness and awakeness instead of the hyper buzz that fades faster. Drinks that give you energy but don't make you hyper I normally mention how they are better to study or work on because your not just off the wall crazy. That was a good point glad you brought it up so that I could address it, Twinlabs energy fuel is one of the better drinks for better energy and not getting hyper. Gorilla Juice, some of the XS drink, and Tab are good for this too.

“I don't like how this jackass compares everything to Monster and Rockstar as if it's THE THING that everyone just has to love (they both taste disgusting IMO) and "ahve" pops up more than I can stomach
Things wrong with this man:
-No life.
-Dead taste buds.”

-abyschan

In fact i don't love those drinks. I also compare everything with Redbull, why because most of them all taste the SAME. I also point out the bigger drinks when talking about the smaller drinks that are hard to to find. Almost everyone has had a Rockstar or a Monster and know if they like it, so if I say it is pretty much the same but in a smaller can for the same price just buy a Rockstar or Monster, which I say often the reader knows exactly what to expect another same old clone energy drink. It is the same as saying a burrito joint is better but similar to a Qdoba, everyone knows if they like that or not then explain the differences from there. It is called a point of reference you clown faces turd burglar. As for the taste buds, they are quite fine, just many drinks taste the same and have FAR to much sugar. I have a perfectly good and happy life, but I am glad to know that some random person on the Internet thinks I am a complete loser because I spend about 5 to 10 minutes a week writing an energy drink review and not even taking the time to spell check it. Oh no I have wasted my life please come save me and teach me the ways you live Abyschan. I hope your crabs have Gonorrhea and sperm count is low.

“I actually know the guy who does the reviews and he's actually one of the smartest people I know. No joke, he just doesn't give a shiat about reviewing what he writes for grammatical errors. He graduated with a respectable computer science degree from a good university, makes a great living with computers and does things like these reviews on the side just to make money. You guys can rip on him all you want but all the traffic just sent to his site has made him a lot of money. How much money has belittling him made you?”-DomFilosa

Thanks Dom, but I actually feel a little bit like an Internet celebrity to be bashed the hell out of on Fark. I mean I join the ranks of Tom Cruise, Ackbar, Starwars kid, kittens, and more... if only for a day I am part of make what Fark go round.

“Keep guzzling that sh]t and enjoy those mid-life heart attacks and severe heart related problems!” -plutonium238

Please back this shit up. I get emails about it all the time. It is bullshit. You can find just as many articles talking about caffeine being good for you as you can bad for you. Then recently they said it depends on your genetics to say whether it is good or bad for you. The real fact is we really don't know yet, but we do know plenty off people have been drinking a couple cups a coffee a day and been just fine, and basically energy drinks are really sweet coffee for kids. People like you are far worse than people who can't spell on the net you spread misinformation with nothing to back it up. Just random scare tactics against something you don't happen to like with little to no reason or explanation. I have to delete so many comments from people like you that scare people on my message board by writing something stupid like Taurine comes from bull testicals. I hope one day in a beautiful stroke of irony you have a heart attack and they say it was caused by being an Asshat your entire life.

“OMG STFU ABOUT SPELLING ERRORS GOOD LORD....
I HOPE YOUR BRAINS ASPOLDE NOW!”-HollywoodMVP

I have now declared that HollywoodMVP is the vice president of my new country. Your duties include making sure all the people in our country don't waste all their time on shiat that doesn't matter. Also, informing people that everyone has different skills they are good at and not to give everyone shiat about their weaker skills all the time. I hope one day one of you needs some help with the stock market, because that shit is easy as hell for me. I have never picked a looser.

Anyways thanks to everyone that visited from Fark.com. Thanks to all the users that wrote comments. Thanks for the emails. Thanks for visiting some of my other sites. I send mad props out to those that actually discussed energy drinks instead of being blinded from an entire idea or topic based on syntax.

I really enjoyed seeing the other side of the whole Fark experience and let me tell you it was interesting and I think my server just BARELY made it through it. Seriously this was really cool for me and completed one of my stupid little dreams. I actually took some time to write this and tried to pay more attention to spelling and grammar, but I am sure there are errors, and here you can feel free to point them all out if you wish and I will actually correct them. I am considering running a spell check on the whole site and fixing things, and perhaps making it look prettier, but who would have know I would ever end up on Fark.com.

Peace,Love, and Caffeine,
Dan “energy” Man

Posted by Dan at March 20, 2006 11:21 PM