the Nonsense in Between

Dentophobia

For the past two years I've avoided the dentist like the plague. I havent always feared the dentist, quite the opposite actually. My whole life I've loved visiting the dentist and hearing them say "My what beautiful teeth you have" (only less creepy than the Little Red Riding Hood wolf). Never having had a cavity I was shocked to hear (two years ago) that I had not one but SEVEN cavities. My dentist and his assistants strongly suggested that I get them filled asap. They also went on to lecture me about proper tooth hygiene and the dangers of slacking. Not only did they insist on filling my cavities they also suggested I get some sort of two thousand dollar sealant since my terrible teeth were cavity prone. Luckily at that time I was moving to Colorado and could not get them filled.

Since that visit I've lived in fear of the dentist. I refused to make an appointment because I still wanted to deny having cavities. Last week I finally caved and visited a dentist in the Denver Tech Center. The entire visit I lay with my head back, every muscle tense, prepared to hear them say in the most demonic voices "You have cavities, You have cavities..." "Dont you even know what a toothbrush is?". I thought they were going to laugh maniacally while they drilled my teeth with an industrial strength drill without administering any pain killers.

I'm happy to report my experience was surprisingly pleasant and at the same time left me disturbed. When the hygienist first told me "you have perfect teeth" I thought "she must just be flattering me, I have seven cavities". I interjected "You must be joking I have cavities that need to be filled." She sincerely replied, "Um, I dont think so, I just checked all of your teeth and there's no sign of decay. But I'll get x-rays and the Doctor's opinion just to be sure." X-rays were taken, a laser tooth density device was used, the traditional poking method was used by both the dentist and the hygienist and not one cavity was found. Not ONE! I told the dentist that the last dentist I visited found seven cavities. His response "Yeah, some people are crooks."

Some people are crooks. I could have had seven perfect, beautiful, well cared for teeth drilled into for no other reason than profit. Fuck! I feel icky. What's worse is that I imagine this has happened to more people. I hope none of you have had perfectly good teeth drilled into so that some dickhead dentist could go to the Bahamas.