With the world falling apart around me it has been difficult if not impossible at times to see the silver lining. Last night Dominic and I were driving home after spending an hour talking to friends about "the situation" and I was exhausted. Exhausted from talking about it, thinking about it, and reliving it each time I tell the story. Half way home my heart rate returned to normal and my head stopped spinning. For the first time in a week I caught a glimpse of that silver lining. I turned to look at Dominic and that's when it hit me! I have a reason for living and he's right here next to me.
Dominic, Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for being my strength when I have none. And thank you for giving my life meaning.
For those of you who have not been in direct contact with me recently, I've been fired, yes, fired. Trust me this was as much a shock to me as it is to you. The details of my termination won't be discussed on my blog, at least not for now. What I can tell you is that the termination was unjust, unfair, absurd and felt a lot like a steel-toed boot kick to the jaw. At this point I'm still seeing stars and certainly seeing red. I go back and forth between sadness and extreme anger and sometimes a mixture of both that is starting to physically manifest itself in the pit of my stomach.
Right now I'm trying to rely on my shaken faith that justice will be done but I'm not holding my breath. It turns out I've learned a valuable lesson or two in the last week. First, most people are in this life to serve themselves. Self-serving people make terrible friends, co-workers, and citizens. I will do my best to keep my distance from these people. Second, bad things happen to good people. With the number of evil people in the world out weighing the good and the majority of those evil people in positions of power bad things are bound to happen to good people. Just one of those facts of life they always warned me about i guess.
I would like to thank my friends and ex-coworkers who took the time to comfort me. Thank you for your phone calls, emails, compliments and support. If my spiritual beliefs prove to be correct there should be a cushy place for you in the afterlife. Until then I guess all we can rely on is a feeble thing called faith.
Dominic and I had Chinese food for dinner and in my fortune cookie i found this:
"You will have many friends when you need them."
Is this a sick joke?
My whole life I held on to the belief that the world was governed by some spiritual energy. An energy that made sure wrongdoings never went unpunished and saw to it that good things happened to good people. Recent events have shaken me out of my idealistic fairy tale and thrown me into the depths of what I now recognize as reality. News Flash: The world is FUCKED UP! Evil people govern the world not Karma, not God, not the Mystical Justice Brigade, just evil people. Maybe my biggest mistake was seeing good in people perhaps the truth is that humans are inherently evil.
Have I wasted my time and energy trying to be a good person? I am by no means claiming to be a saint but I have never maliciously hurt another person either by my actions or lack of action. Today, I am dealing with people who are knowingly standing by and watching terrible things happen to me. They might as well be holding a waterhose while I burn to death in front of them. Can people really do this and sleep at night? Are integrity and ethics a figment of my imagination? Where is the justice in anything anymore?
People make me sick.
Last night Dominic and I were among the 900 lucky people to see Panic at the Disco play live. My excitement for the event was at a maximum since we almost didnt get tickets. I usually try to avoid sold out shows like this but I really wanted to see Panic. What happened next neither of us ever expected...
We got to the show and decided to have a couple of drinks. As we were sipping the last of the few drinks Dominic said to me: "This is my last drink if I'm driving us home". At this time the night was still early and neither of us were drunk so driving ourselves home was still a viable option. Then, what seemed like only moments later and without taking another sip of alcohol we were both obliterated. My memories from this moment on are not only vague but strange and different from drunken memories. At one point I remember being in the pit and looking at the faces of people who were smashed up next to me but their faces looked to be a mile away. During Panic's set I tried really hard to focus on them because I really wanted to enjoy the show and remember it but all i remember of them is a fuzzy silhouette. Sadly, we ran into a few people we know and in our extraordinary inebriation I'm sure we embarrassed ourselves. After the show, neither of us was in any condition to drive so we had to wait it out. We stumbled around and found this tiny little pizza place had a few slices of pizza. Then we peed in a few allies and hung out in our car for a few hours.
Needless to say I'm incredibly angry at the person who did this to us. Did someone intend to take advantage of me? Could something terrible have happened if Dominic hadnt been with me? I feel terribly violated. I've been drunk enough a few times to embarrass myself but last night I didnt have the choice. Someone chose that for me and that makes me sick. The thing that makes me most angry is that I cant remember the show that I had waited so long to see.
Anyone know the number to the Karma Police?
Well I'm certainly not the most graceful girl in the world but I'll take my new internet status to help build my self esteem back up. I'm not quite sure how or why google image search is finding my picture with "hottest girl in the world" but its kinda cool. I think it makes me quasi-internet famous. On that, the hottest girl gallery has gotten about 6000 hits.
I wonder how much money I could make if I put up naked pictures? (Dan, I'm kidding. Stop calculating.)
So I've been doing this walking thing for, oh, about the last 22 years but it turns out I'm not so good at it. I was walking up a few stairs the other night when I tripped. Oh but I didn't just trip, I caught the top step and flew a good three feet then skidded on my hands and knees for another foot! Now my favorite jeans are ruined and my knees are scraped up nice.
The jeans are replaceable, my scrapes will heal, but it's going to take some serious therapy to get that piece of my pride back.
If you haven't already read my eager fiance's blog, I've been promoted! I've been planning on posting but between us both being sick, concerts, dinner with friend's parents, weddings, and such I just haven't had the time. Thank you Dominic for spilling the beans.
My new position is in admissions/recruiting, while still doing career placement. I've been teamed up with the current admissions person and the hope is to fill classes from now through the end of the year. I think I'm really going to enjoy my new responsibilities and I think I'm going to do well in my new position.
Yay Promotions!