So I was watching the "100 Most Shocking Moments in Rock and Roll History" on VH1. The number one was the death of John Lennon. This got me thinking a lot about death for obvious reasons.
Am I scared of death? Not really. Although that's easy for me to say now, since I don't think I'm going to die anytime soon. I'm more scared of dying, especially in painful ways. While I was in line at Six Flags with Galemba, we heard some kids asking each other if they would rather
a) burn to death
b) freeze to death
c) drown to death.
First of all, I'm not really sure how you drown not to death. I thought the word drowning implied death, but perhaps these kids really appreciate the value of parallelism at all costs. Personally, I'd have to take b, although it's a really tough choice. None of them sound pleasant. A lot of people say that they would like to die in their sleep or be shot without knowing its coming, something quick and painless, but not me. You wouldn't get to say goodbye to friends and family that way. No, I'd prefer to know about 1 month ahead of time, but still have it be painless. That way, I could have all my friends and relatives visit and say goodbye to each and every one of them. Nothing left unsaid, no regrets.
I wonder how I'll feel about the afterlife as I near death, because right now I don't believe in any. To some, that's a scary idea, but I don't really understand that. As a very smart and perceptive friend put it (quoted roughly), "I didn't feel anything before I was born, and that wasn't scary. When I die, it'll be like that. There's nothing to be scared of because I won't be anything." The idea of not existing is certainly weird and hard, or even impossible, to really grasp, but not scary. It's kind of a kick in the butt when you believe that there is no afterlife - you realize that this life is all there is, so you better make the most of it. There isn't any feeling of "yeah, maybe my situation on earth isn't so good, but that's ok, because when I die, it will all be better." Instead, you feel like you better make the very most of what you have here, because that's it. Just one run.
Of course, not believing in an afterlife makes the death of loved ones much harder. It's comforting to think that you will meet someone again. And really really sad and scary to believe that you won't. No one wants to say goodbye, most of all me. I never have any words of comfort or advice to those who have lost someone, and I have a really tough time dealing with loss in my own life - but, on the other hand, believing that you are truly saying goodbye to someone when they die makes you even more inclined to really make a difference in each others' lives while they are alive. There is no putting it off, because this time is all we get with our friends & family. So live with them and love them as much as you can.
I guess part of this all is that I respond really well to deadlines - if I don't have to do something by a certain time, I'll put it off forever. Death represents the ultimate deadline for me, and it pushes me to live my life to the fullest. I don't want to find myself about to die and have things I wish I would have done or said, and realize I'll never have the chance. In the words of Lennon
"Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today..."