June 20, 2003

worst. drive. ever.

Nothing makes me happier than a certain person telling me that this page is "best damn thing since peanut butter in a tube" and that it's now her home page. Rock on readers.

The Grand Canyon was, not surprisingly, really freaking cool. It's too good for pictures, although lord knows I tried. It's also too big for words, and since I have other things to talk about, I won't even try. See it.

It's strange - I assumed that I would have a tough time staying awake while driving on this trip. This prediction was based on the fact that when I drive between Springfield and St. Louis, I almost always nearly fall asleep. Yet on this trip I've been wide awake most of the time - without the help of drugs. Sleep mystifies me.

I heard Nelly played at a club in San Diego the other night. Ilana and I both turned to each other with delight - for some reason, although I don't know Nelly or hang out with him and did nothing to help him succeed, including buy his CDs, I feel some swell of pride since I go to school where he lives. I'm a dork.

I hope everyone out there realizes how much danger I put myself in to bring you my random and pretty much useless observations on life. Usually I think of something while driving, and since my memory is crap, I have to write it down immediately, which means I need to find my notebook and a pencil and write down some notes, all at high speeds while passing cars. Interestingly, once I write it down, I usually don't think about it anymore, which I find strange. I think perhaps it's easier for me to make progress on a topic if I am writing about it - it lets me collect my thoughts and organize them. If I just randomly think of something while driving, writing it down in my notebook is like putting it in the "I'll think about and deal with that later" box.

I think my biggest fear is losing pictures or writing. Before I left for this road trip I managed to accidentally delete some very important pictures - I won't ever forgive myself for that. And there is nothing worse than losing 30 minutes of writing because the computer shuts off or something. To me, there's nothing more tragic than an heartfelt letter lost or left unread.

Yesterday was by far the worst day of driving ever. Pretty early in the afternoon I stopped to get gas, and took the time to clean my windshield, which I usually don't do. Sure enough, about a half hour later my car was splattered with the largest volume of airborn goo I have ever seen. I say "goo" because I'm still not sure if it was a bunch of large bugs or shit from a very large bird. Neither really fits perfectly. Here's the evidence in support of each hypothesis

Swarm of Bugs
----------------------
- Right before it hit, I saw what looked like a swarm of black bugs fast approaching my windshield
- Goo splattered in a lot of marble size drops, not in larger chunks
- very clear, which doesn't look like bird crap usually does
- it would have had to be a pretty damn big bird to produce the volume of goo to cover my hood, windshield and part of the top of my car

Bird shit
----------------------
- I didn't see any wings or other organs in the mess, it looked pretty clear
- why was there a swarm of bugs chillin on the highway?
- it seems a little liquidy to be bugs, and clear

So yeah I'm confused.

Then the traffic going to Alberqueque was bad - I usually stay in the passing lane (that's the left lane, for those who don't know - which is most of the people in New Mexico, apparently) because I usually go faster than most - but the Funkmobile has trouble getting up hills quickly, so sometimes as I go up a hill I get the fast people really close behind me before I know it - and of course, like a gentleman, I move out of the lane as soon as I realize I am slowing people down. Well this one guy in a red car just blew past me going up a hill - he almost hit me as I was switching lanes. The joke was on him, though, because when I caught up to him a little later his hood was smoking - don't worry, it didn't explode or anything, he just had to pull off.

Ok the really bad stuff came later when I was about 10 hours into the drive. I was completely exhausted and sick of driving like nothing else. Right as I was crossing from New Mexico into Colorado, I hit the worst driving conditions of the trip so far, by far. I mean awful - it was completely dark, raining really, really hard, and in a construction zone that forced me to drive half on the shoulder - plus the cars coming the opposite way were close to my left side, and refused to turn off their brights, which effectively blinded me every few seconds. It was great. Then I hit more traffic at the end which dragged on at about 30mph for a good half hour. Yay.

To make matters worse, I was more frustrated than I have been in a long time because my crappy phone gets terrible reception and as a result, I hadn't been able to talk to Jessie in like five days. We tried two times that night but she kept cutting out and I couldn't understand anything she said.

So I was pissed about that and I was driving though some city. The speed limit was 55 and I was going 65 since it was pretty much a highway. Then I saw a sign that indicated that the speed limit was now 50. As I started to gently press the brake, I saw those beautiful blue and red lights in my rear view. I pulled over and cop informed me that I "going way too fast - 65 in a 50" which was completely true, although the fact of the matter was that I had been in the 50 for all of about one second. He added "You have to be careful, the speed limit changes pretty fast in the city." He was right. Anyway, of course I couldn't find my registration for the longest time, and the whole time he was grilling me on the details of my trip - when I had left, where I had left from, where I was going, if I knew where I was going in Boulder, how long I had been away from home - and not in that curious way, but in a way that made me feel like he was hoping to find a hole in my story and use it to prove I was trafficing drugs or something. But overall he was nice and he didn't even give me a ticket, so I can't complain. The rest of the drive I was driving like under the speed limit because I was so paranoid.

But now I'm in Boulder and I have books and Tetris and candy and Warped Tour is in a few days and I'm gonna see Hulk tonight and talk to Jessie all is good.

Posted by Ben at June 20, 2003 04:33 PM
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