a windblown left side

11018 miles later

So, it seems that this summer of mine is winding down. In fact, I do believe this will be my last post. It's been a truly great summer, absolutely amazing.

I gotta thank some people. I feel like I'm winning an award.

I wanna thank every single one of you out there who asked me to visit you, who let me crash at your place, and who showed me a good time. Obviously, I could never have done this without all of you. Thanks for the good conversations and long laughs. Although this trip had several fringe benefits (See beautiful sights! Avoid getting a job!) the main reason was to spend time with all of you who have made my life so much better by being my friend. You've all made me a better and happier person. Thanks for the good times. Thanks for the best summer of my life. I really do love each and every one of you.

Thanks to Danny for suggesting using Moveable Type for my weblog. There is no way it would have been updated nearly as often if I was doing it by hand. Thanks to Danny and Aaron for showing me the way to blogging. And, while I'm on a roll, thanks to the people who make Moveable Type. I highly recommend it.

And thanks to everyone who read this weblog. When I first decided to do a blog, I figured it would just be a dull play-by-play of my activities and locations. But it's been so much more than that for me - it's really been a way for me to sort out and understand my own experiences much better. I love that there are people out there reading this, it motivates me to write and somehow the fact that someone out there might read my words makes this process so much more appealing. So for every person out there who read this daily at work, or checked in once a week on Saturdays, or posted a comment, or just told me in some way, shape, or form that you liked this - thanks. I really don't think it would have been what it was without you guys. I must admit I am very curious to see what my final readership turned out to be. I know some of you out there read and never post comments, and that's cool - I love the comments, but I know that this is mostly a one-way street. But just to satisfy my curiousity, I would really appreciate if everyone out there reading this post wrote a little comment back. It can be as simple as your name and "hello." Or as lengthy and drawn out as a yearbook signing. You're a master of your own destiny. And thanks.

And special thank you to my parents. I literally could not have done this without them, there's just no way. First of all, they paid for my gas, which was the best 21st birthday present I could ask for, and so incredibly, unbelievably generous of them. Also, they were there at all times to give me directions over the phone, or find a campsite, or tell me about places I should go and see. They also let me borrow their roadtrip tent and taught me the economic magic of peanut butter and raisin sandwiches. Thanks Mom and Dad. I love you both.

So, after 11018 miles, have I learned anything? Have I discovered my purpose in life? Have I found peace? Truth? Meaning? I think that's the wrong way of looking at it. No, I didn't have any great epiphany in which I sorted out my life instantly. I'm still as strange and confused and lost as everyone else, as much as I've ever been. But I did have a lot of fun, and I've gotten the chance to see things from a different perspective.

What some saw as long boring hours in a car alone, I saw as my time to be alone, to find myself, to be alone with my thoughts and let them drift where they may. I had a blast hanging out with everyone, but I needed some alone time, and the solitary drives provided this. In my car, I could really relax. I didn't need to be funny or inventive or create conversation. My brain and body could rest and take in the beauty of what passed me by and absorb the things I had done in the past few days.

What some saw as a boring day, a day when they were not taking me out to a crazy party or memorable event, I saw as a welcome day of down time. No one out there should be sorry that we sat around and watched movies occasionally. Remember, 2-3 crazy days with me is just that, 2-3 crazy days - for you. But it's 2-3 crazy days out of a pretty much non-stop string of crazy days for me. I may not have as many pictures of sitting around, but I loved my chill days nonetheless.

Of course I also was always up for some fun, even if it was exhausting. Here's a shoutout to everyone who took me to do something I had never done, or something original or funny or crazy. Punk rock concerts. Limo rides. Manhattan clubs. Improv shows. San fran streets. Duluth, baby. 21st birthday parties. Times Square. Five games of bowling in an hour. Golfing (my second time ever!). Too Much Light. Lakes and oceans. Midnight showings of Japanese movies. Countless other events that should not be considered any less appreciated just because I forgot to mention them here.

What some saw as an uncomfortable couch, I saw as "better than the floor."

What you may have seen as just usual hanging out with me, I saw as a photo op. Sure, to you it was just another night sitting around with friends in your living room, but to me, it was an important part of my summer trip. It was strange always being "that guy with the camera," but I'm glad I was - all told, I took over eight hundred pictures this summer. Chances are, you're in some.

What some may have seen as just a simple weblog, I saw as my most intimate and direct way to let my friends know what was going on in my head. I really tried to give the most direct representation of my thoughts on these pages. My parents gave me a paper journal to use to document my trip - and I've only probably written 25 pages in it, because those were the only things I didn't quite feel comfortable writing here - most of the journal is filled with notes for things I wanted to cover online. The vast majority of the time, this was the whole truth and nothing but. This was the closest thing to a window to my mind.

What some may see as a old 93 grey Saturn full of my crap, I saw as my lifeline. DrFunk is a tough-as-nails car. She made it through the whole summer. She made it through deserts and thunderstorms, mountains and cities. And she was the closest thing I had to a home. It's strange to realize that I lived out of my car for a summer - I really did fine with only those things I could fit inside those rusty doors. It really felt good to streamline my possessions, to live on the least possible. It makes me wonder why I need all this extra stuff filling up rooms and closets and shelves . . ..

What some saw as a somewhat dangerous and ill-advised way to spend my summer, and even a bad thing for my career and life ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself. I had the time of my life. And I proved to myself that I can put friendship and happiness above work and success when it really matters. It felt so damn good.

So after all I've been through and thought about and learned, I think I can offer some good, if simple and somewhat obvious advice. I'm not going to try and tell you how to live your life, because Lord knows I haven't figured out how to live mine yet. But remember to have fun, and remember you only do this once. Travelling alone the open road, my windows down, and my left side feeling the wind, this song would echo through my whole body:

"today is the greatest
day I've ever known
can't live for tomorrow,
tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
before I get out

I wanted more
than life could ever grant me
bored by the chore
of saving face

today is the greatest
day I've ever known
can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
before I get out

pink ribbon scars
that never forget
I tried so hard
to cleanse these regrets
my angel wings
were bruised and restrained
my belly stings

today is
today is
today is
the greatest day

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

today is the greatest
today is the greatest day
today is the greatest day
that I have ever really known"

Posted by Ben at August 21, 2003 11:46 PM